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IS FEAR SHUTTING YOU DOWN?

August 12, 2013 Reply

You’ve left the building…the city. Worse, you’ve left your body!  Sometimes the fear of feeling what you’re feeling is far worse than the experience. It can close down your breathing, contract your whole body, shut down your emotions, create so much anxiety that you dart from thought to thought or place to place. From this place, there is no resolution – no rest. And there is no NOW!

What makes us leave the present? Stress. And the irony is that stress is part of life – small ones and large ones. Good ones and awful ones. (Yes, stress can be positive like getting engaged.) Stress comes in more flavors than Baskin-Robbins. While most people exit the moment at its first warning signs, there’s good news! Really good news.

You don’t have to run or hide. You can take charge of your response. Its easy, much easier than you think.

Here are 5 signs that you’re in trouble and what you can do about them.

One: You’re squeaking!

When we’re not being ourselves, we tend to use a high voice. We’re not projecting from our belly and chances are everything below the neck is starved of breath.  Are you talking super fast? Another sign of discomfort.

What to do? Place your hands on your abdomen. Imagine speaking from there. Nice and easy does it. As you speak, feel the support of the floor or chair beneath you.

Two: You’re Contracting!

Am I clenching my butt, my hands or my jaw? Our bodies are billions of cells firing at once and those cells can’t be fooled. Tension in your being is picked up instantly by your body. When you’re not present,, you’re tense.

What to do? Do a body scan. Find the tense culprit and relax that muscle group.

Three: You’ve stopped  breathing?

Shallow breathing in the chest area vs. the belly will not only change your voice, it’s also a signal of fear, nervousness and playing the game of inauthenticity.

What to do? Take a few breaths, extending the exhale with an audible sound. Five or six or these will bring the oxygen to all the needed parts and settle your nervous system.

Four: You’ve blocked your feelings.

Not being clear which emotions you are experiencing in a sure sign you’re in trouble.

What to do? Close your eyes and sense into your experience. What image or words arise? Stay with the image (or words) until you can isolate an emotion. Then allow that feeling to unfold.

Five: You’re being hyper-vigilant.

When we’re feeling safe and authentically in the moment, we relax and respond naturally to what’s showing up. When we’re not, we’re hyper-vigilant, watching others for signs that we’re accepted and okay.

When we’re in the present, our reactions are authentic, and we feel safe to shine our gifts onto the world.

What to do? The 4 above in any sequence.

Of course, if you practice during the non-stressful times, you’ll know what to do when the inevitable stresses show up. So what are you waiting for? Start now and head off trouble at the bend.

FEAR: HOW TO OVERCOME THE PERFECT ENEMY

February 19, 2013 Reply

Whether you are afraid of greatness or afraid of failure, fear will stop you mid-step. Not once, but again and again.

So whether you have clarity, a strategic plan, actionable steps and a strong vision, if you don’t deal with the fears that will inevitable arise, you won’t reach the finish line.

The first step is overcoming this “enemy” sound counter-intuitive. Befriend your fears. Study them, understand why they arise, what they are trying to protect you from. Compassion makes a better friend than resistance. Be kind to your fears, chat with them…let them speak.Once you’ve better understand your friend, fear, you can begin to work  with it. Read more [+]

Presence: An Invitation to Courage

March 16, 2011 Reply

We speak lightly of Presence so often – in working with ourselves, in working with our clients. Yet, we don’t often think of it as the key to developing courage!

This morning as this quote came across my screen, I began to ponder it more deeply.
First the quote:

There were times when I could not afford to sacrifice the bloom of the present moment to any work, whether of the head or hand. ~Thoreau

When our strongest intuitions arise in technicolor, they come from dropping deeply into the moment. And what does “the moment” provide when entered into fully?

The Truth – yes with a capital “T”.

If we are able to be with the Truth of whatever is arising – no deflection, no avoidance, no belittling, no judging – no resistance of any kind something profound occurs. We begin to become more permeable, less stiff, less rigid, allowing more spaciousness. And in that space, courage blossoms as we notice that we’re actually okay!

A little known aspect of being Present – not planning or manipulating or dreaming or wistfully longing is that our Presence ultimately transcends our anxieties and fear. By entering into what is up for us – pleasant or unpleasant and exploring it fully, it begins to move, to breathe in and out… and with practice, staying tuned in rather than tuning out – we transcend our fears, our anxieties by noticing that we’re actually okay – the roof isn’t collapsing, the arresting officer isn’t at the door. We have clothes to wear, food to eat, shelter from the storm. More than most people on the planet can say!

And what is most amazing? When we are Present with this moment and the next and the one after that, our capacity to stay Present grows. And moreover, our Presence invites others to courageously move into Presence as well.

So not only we developing more courage to meet Life as it arrives, but we also invites others into this action. As we stay grounded in Presence, they too, find ground beneath their feet to be with Life – and their experience of it. As so much of wisdom, this is simple but not easy. Yet, what precious quality is easily developed? Most require commitment. As we commit ourselves, we begin to engage more fully with others, ourselves and Life unfolding.

So, let’s pause in the endless cycle of “Next,” and not sacrifice the bloom of the present moment!